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You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
I know you couldn't live without me, so I'll pay for the funeral.
Well, I'll see you in my dreams—if I eat too much cheese.
I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
You are not even beneath my contempt.
I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?
I thought of you today. I was at the zoo.
Someone said that you were not fit to fuck pigs the other day. I stuck up for you, though. I told them you were.
I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. -- Abraham Lincoln
If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
You fill a much needed gap.
But as he knew no bad language, he had called him all the names of common objects that he could think of, and had screamed: "You lamp! You towel! You plate!" and so on. -- Sigmund Freud
A modest little person, with much to be modest about. -- Winston Churchill
Don't be so humble, you're not that great. -- Golda Meir
A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity. -- Benjamin Disraeli
A four-hundred-dollar suit on him would look like socks on a rooster. -- Earl Long
A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits. -- Alexander Pope
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite sameness. -- David Shipman
Always willing to lend a helping hand to the one above him. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald (about Ernest Hemingway)
Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep. -- Dennis Healy
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you. -- Groucho Marx
End of season sale at the cerebral department. -- Gareth Blackstock
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. -- Oscar Levant
Failure has gone to his head. -- Wilson Mizner
Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other. -- Neil Simon
God was bored by him. -- Victor Hugo
May the fleas of a thousand camels inhabit your crotch.