A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she asked, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the lady responded, "I'm wondering then, just how serious is my condition? This prescription is marked "No Refills."
Definition of superficial: a really good referee.
After examining a parrot, the vet told the owner "I'm sorry but your parrot doesn't have long to live." "I want to be sure" said the owner "Are there any tests you can do?" The vet left the room and returned with a big black Labrador that sniffed the bird and shook his head. Then the vet brought in a Persian cat that also sniffed the parrot and shook his head. The vet said "Yes, your parrot is definitely terminal" and handed the owner a bill. The owner looked at the bill and yelled "$500!! just to tell me my parrot is dying." The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would have only been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..."
Frank and Joe were watching the news. A suicidal man was standing on a bridge, and police were trying to talk him down. "Bet you five bucks the guy jumps," Frank said. "You're on!" Joe replied. They watched for a few minutes, and suddenly the man jumped. "Here's your five dollars," Joe said. "I really didn't think he'd do it." "I can't take you money," Frank confessed. "I saw the same story on an earlier broadcast." "No, no, take it," Joe insisted. I saw the earlier show too, but I didn't think the guy was stupid enough to jump again."
A devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth, The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."