Jokes
I was visiting a karate class one night and was talking with one of the students who said he had never missed a day of class. He said his wife and kids usually came with him but that his wife had died recently. I said I was sorry about his loss and asked which of the kids were his. He said, "Oh, they are not here today, they are at her funeral."
Two old black belts continued to compete in Taekwondo tournaments well past their prime. One day, while relaxing after yet another competition, they were chatting and wondering if Taekwondo tournaments were held in heaven. They made a pact that whomever passed away first would come back and let the other know. About a week later, one of them passed away. A few days later, the surviving black belt saw an apparition of his old buddy. "Well!" asked the surviving black belt, "Are there any Taekwondo tournaments in heaven?" "I have some good news and some bad news for you," replied the apparition. "The good news is that, yes, there are Taekwondo tournaments in heaven." "The bad news is that your first match is tomorrow afternoon."
A brown belt was sparring with his instructor one day at a private lesson when the instructor collapsed and fell to the floor after a punch to the head. He didn't seem to be breathing and his eyes were rolled back. The brown belt panicked and ran to the office to call 911. He gasps to the operator: "My instructor is dead! What shall I do?" The operator, in a clam, soothing voice, says: "Take a deep breath and relax. I'll guide you through this. First, we need to make sure he is dead." The operator hears the phone being laid down and then she hears a couple of loud thumps. Then she hears the phone being picked up again and the caller says, "OK, what do I do next?"