A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a big, tough looking guy in a dobak with a ragged black belt. The man has cauliflower ears and numerous scars on his face.Saint Peter asks the man, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"The guy replies, "I am the 10-time Taekwondo World Champion!"Saint Peter consults his list and tells the man to, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."When it the minister's turn, he stands erect and says , "I was the pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."Saint Peter consults his list and tells the minister to, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.""Just a minute," says the minister. "You gave that guy a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be when I have been preaching the gospel all my life?""In heaven, we reward results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; but when he entered the ring, people prayed."
When the minister agreed to marry a young couple in his church he stipulated that they remain abstinent during their engagement. One week before the wedding, he met with them and asked, "Have you remained chaste, as I counseled you?" "I'm afraid not, Reverend, " said the man. "Oh, dear. Why not?" asked the Reverend. The young man replied, "Well, last week my fiancée was reaching for a box of light bulbs on a high shelf, and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and, well, we just lost all control right there." "I'm sorry my son, but I can't marry you in this church," replied the Reverend. "Yeah, that's what we thought," the young man sighed. "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either."
A new monk was assigned to copy old texts by hand. Noticing that he would be copying from a copy and not from the original, he asks the elderly master, "If a mistake was made on the copy, won't that mistake by repeated on all subsequent copies?" This caused the master some concern, so he took the copy to the cellar to check it against the original. After the master didn't return after a few hours, the new monk went to the cellar to check on him. Hearing wailing, he found the old master leaning over one of the original manuscripts. Looking up, the master sobbed, "The word was supposed to be celebrate, NOT CELIBATE!"
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