A black belt once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. 

Black belts do not write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Black belts can divide by zero.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A black belt is worth a thousand hours of training. 

When Black belts talks, everybody listens; those who do not—bleed.

Contrary to popular belief, there are enough black belts to go around. 

For some, one testicle is larger than the other one. For black belts, each testicle is larger than the other one.

When black belts drink, they do not throw up; they throw down.

Archeologists unearthed the first English dictionary. It defined "victim" as "one who pissed-off a black belt"

If you Google search for "humble black belts,” you will get zero results.   

A black belt invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse kicked his way out of the womb.

A black belt can watch 60 minutes in 6 minutes.    

Black belts have a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in their way.

On a crowed sidewalk, a black belt does not walk around people; they walk around her. 

A black belt can play Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and win. 

Some people wear Superman pajamas when they sleep. Superman wears a black belt.

Black belts keep their friends close and their enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with side kick to the face.

Black belts do not stub their toes; they accidentally destroy things.      

Black belts can slam a revolving door.                        

Black belts do not step on toes; they step on faces.        

A study showed the leading causes of death are heart disease, cancer, and black belts.

Once you go black belt, you can never go back.

What is the last thing you hear before a black belt kicks you? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

Black belts do not play god. Playing is for children.     

Black belts perform a public service by donating dead bodies for scientific research. 

When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds," he was not referring to the atomic bomb; he was referring to black belts.

If at first you don't succeed, you are not a black belt. 

Black belts can smell fear. They can also smell hope, as in "I hope he lets me live." 

Behind every successful man is a good woman. Behind every black belt is a good instructor.

Black belts believe that people have souls, and they find them delicious. 

Black belts can judge a book by its cover.

How many Black belts' does it take to change a light bulb? None! Black belts prefer to kill in the dark. 

It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a black belt side kick. 

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into a black belt. 

A black belt once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but black belt will liquefy your organs.

The truth my set you free, a black belt will not.

For most people, home is where the heart is. For black belts, home is where he stores his collection of hearts. 

Black belts do not wear watches; they decide what time it is.            

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind a black belts in a movie theater and forgets to turn his cell phone off.    

Black belts can taste lies.

To be or not to be? That is the question. Black belts determine the answer.

Black belts know everything—except mercy.

When you say "no one's perfects", black belts take it as a personal insult.

If you work in an office with a black belt, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch. 

When a black belt orders a steak, the steak does as it was told.

Black belts use Tabasco sauce instead of Visene. 

A man once claimed a black belt kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false – once is sufficient.

Black belts see dead people.   

If a black belt wants your opinion, he will beat it into you.

They once made black belts toilet paper, but there was a problem—it wouldn't take shit from anybody. 

"Sweating bullets” is what occurs when you point a gun at a black belt. 

Black belt do not daydream, they cause nightmares.

Black belts never have heart attacks; their hearts are not foolish enough to attack them.

There are no lesbians, just women who have never met a black belt. 

Why did the black belt cross the road? No one knows. No one has ever dared question his motive.

Black belts do not ask, "Who's your daddy?" They already know the answer. 

The pen is mightier than the sword—if the pen is held by a black belt. 

Black belts know the last digit of pi. 

When black belts wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.        

Black belts have never been accused of murder because their actions are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."      

Black belts consider human beings, targets.

Black belts like their ice as like skulls: crushed. 

Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people do not know is that the quote continues, "...afraid of Black belts."

Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in a black belt's kindergarten class. 

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that a black belts didn't kill you in your sleep.

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at a black belt has his last laugh.

People used to escape black belts using vehicles so black belts created the vehicle accident. 

Before sliced bread, people used to say, "That’s the greatest thing since black belts.” 

Black belts put fun into manslaughter.

Some people have said that black belts are a myth; those people are no longer with us.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for black belts.

There is no theory of evolution; just a list of creatures black belts have allowed to live.

Black belts do not sleep; they wait.

Black belts can have their cake and eat it too.

You can never throw a surprise birthday party for a black belt.

A black belt is standing BEHIND YOU.   

Black belts speak in all caps. 

Black belts can dribble a football.

Black belt kicking power may be expressed simply as a horizontal eight 

A black belt was once asked to repeat himself, once.